A Message From Our Primal Minister

[GRUNTMAX]

My Fellow Australians,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Your Federal Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Centrelink to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination) .
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. My government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives Australians. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your local Member of Parliament. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Enjoy the Future!
Sincerely,
Kevin Crudd

[Taubusa]

Brilliant

[NEMESIS]

Gruntmax,is this your handywork,did you write that? lol

[BUSGO]

ERR, no.
Its been around since the 90s.
But, it is hilarious.

[kawasuki]

My Fellow Australians,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Your Federal Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Centrelink to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination) .
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. My government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives Australians. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your local Member of Parliament. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Enjoy the Future!
Sincerely,
Kevin Crudd

yes rudd the dud at it again, he is a chip off the old (whitlams block)
like the punters are saying he spent 2 thirds of the deficit, we will be in that much debt that paul keatings bannana replublic will look good.

[Louwai]

I'll be glad when this damn "Economic Slow-down" is over.
Since it started I've been so flamin busy it's not funny. I can only get 2 days off over the school hols to be with the kids.

[GRUNTMAX]

Gruntmax,is this your handywork,did you write that? lol

Gday Nem,
No, I didn't write it. Was sent to me by a BMW riding oilfield diver from Perth. Thought you might like it. Just like our budget. Written by someone that must have a frontal cerebral brain injury, Wayne Swan.

[BLACKZOOK]

Great read well written.

In my experience people who are long term unemployed are that way for a reason. If you really want a job you will find one, it may not be in your ideal chosen profession but it can earn you money while you look. Youth unemployment can be more difficult.

I have always had a problem finding good employees even during times of high unemployment.

That may change with the forecast 8.5% unemployed.

[GRUNTMAX]

Great read well written.

In my experience people who are long term unemployed are that way for a reason. If you really want a job you will find one, it may not be in your ideal chosen profession but it can earn you money while you look. Youth unemployment can be more difficult.

I have always had a problem finding good employees even during times of high unemployment.

That may change with the forecast 8.5% unemployed.

Gday Bruce,

Log on to www.jobsforaustralia.com Go to "View Top Rated Ideas" and go to the 3th 4th or 5th page. View the one with more votes than anybody, around 60 votes & download the file.
Penny Wong of the Communist Australian/Chinese Labor Government is now going to blow $4.5 billion bucs of borrowed money on Solar Power. Makes sense doesn't it ????!!!!!

[Louwai]

In my experience people who are long term unemployed are that way for a reason. If you really want a job you will find one, it may not be in your ideal chosen profession but it can earn you money while you look.

I agree,
I, & most people I know, have never been out of work since leaving school. For me that's nearly 30yrs & several recessions.

Prior to the recent "down turn" I knew a couple of people who complained about not being able to find a job. When I offered 4 different jobs which I could provide, they all came up with excuses as to why they couldn't accept each individual job.
In other words, they weren't interested in working.............

[BLACKZOOK]

A couple of months ago I was getting desperate I needed to find 30 labourers to work in Queensland, I asked a few people and no one was interested. The jobs were for a day shift crew and a night shift crew on a power station outage, 72 hours a week with pay ranging from $3,700.00 to $4,800.00 per week (before tax) depending on shift worked.

This was for a 8 week shut with all meals, accomodation, flights everything provided and no one wanted the work. All had good reasons to turn the jobs down but it basically came down to they didnt want work.

In the end an Irish mate put me onto a group of his Irish backpacker mates. I hired 30 of them both single guys and couples. These people showed enough initative to save money to travel to Australia in the first place so I took the risk.

Without exeption they have proven to be hard workers and totally reliable. There has not been one sick day taken and not one Irish drunk to be seen. I have never seen such a good crew in 24 years of doing this job.

Makes you wonder about the Aussie work ethic doesnt it.

[NEMESIS]

A couple of months ago I was getting desperate I needed to find 30 labourers to work in Queensland, I asked a few people and no one was interested. The jobs were for a day shift crew and a night shift crew on a power station outage, 72 hours a week with pay ranging from $3,700.00 to $4,800.00 per week (before tax) depending on shift worked.

This was for a 8 week shut with all meals, accomodation, flights everything provided and no one wanted the work. All had good reasons to turn the jobs down but it basically came down to they didnt want work.

In the end an Irish mate put me onto a group of his Irish backpacker mates. I hired 30 of them both single guys and couples. These people showed enough initative to save money to travel to Australia in the first place so I took the risk.

Without exeption they have proven to be hard workers and totally reliable. There has not been one sick day taken and not one Irish drunk to be seen. I have never seen such a good crew in 24 years of doing this job.

Makes you wonder about the Aussie work ethic doesnt it.

Need anyone now?
lol