Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[BUSGO]

How smart is Your Right Foot?
Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon........... This will
boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see
if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's preprogrammed in
your brain!

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer,
lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your
right Hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I
both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to
try it again, if you've not already done so.

[BUSGO]

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, ''Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'No, she can order for herself.'


And that's how the fight started.....

[DjPete]

Romantic
   


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[MrsTony]

[DjPete]

   

[MrsTony]

[NEMESIS]

[cAstAgeAr]

Two old friends were just about to tee
off at the first hole of their
local golf course when a guy carrying a
golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner
didn't turn up.' 'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started
playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a
look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked
upthe rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see
right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the
bedroom. Ha Ha, I cansee she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her......
He's naked, too!!!He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'
I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the
trigger.''Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the
mouth.'
'Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to
teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a
few minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend
impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I
can save you a grand here.'

[NEMESIS]

Thats a good one hahah!

[cAstAgeAr]

A major International company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?

After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.

The first, from Canada, says 'My answer is, there IS no answer.'

The second, from New Zealand, says 'My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.'

The third one, from Australia, says 'I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Naylor.

The Australian got the job...

[NEMESIS]

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up

[cAstAgeAr]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.

He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and

Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company.

He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline,

then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets.

He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer.

Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.

He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.

And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion,

a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[NEMESIS]

Seriously when i saw this,i couldnt stop laughing...

I get heaps of these everyday but my comps slow in uploading
etc but if anyone wants to give me there email address i can
forward my funny emails to yas so yous can put up on the board etc

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[NEMESIS]

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[MrsTony]

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