Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[cAstAgeAr]

Somehow i think this guy may fail the sobriety test !

[MrsTony]

I think this maybe his brother

[cAstAgeAr]

This guy is hilarious, but if your easily offended . . err . . dont watch

[NEMESIS]

Games to play when we're older:

1. Sag, you're it.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising! children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember:
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart.

[MrsTony]

For when the little bugger won't sit still

[debandee]

A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmers yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt. The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"

The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.

While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson." With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.

As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"

[Mutha]

Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard time -
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.
The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on
special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

"RUB MY NIPPLES, RUB MY NIPPLES, RUB MY NIPPLES!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store Manager in front of a
growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,
"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,

"RUB MY NIPPLES, RUB MY NIPPLES, RUB MY NIPPLES!"

And doing so draws an even bigger crowd.
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES RUBBED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

[Mutha]

[Mutha]

[MrsTony]

Typical

[cAstAgeAr]

Neil Armstrong

Sounds a bit apocryphal, but a good story none-the-less...

ON JULY 20, 1969 , AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, 'THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,' WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMAR K, 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY.'
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.
HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.

OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY... STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED.

MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.

HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY.

'SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!'

TRUE STORY.

[LOAFIE]

[debandee]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped Centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, donâ€t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!“

The passenger apologized and said, “I didnâ€t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Its okay, thats not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. Iâ€ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

[Ruffy]

Hot off the press:

[attachment=3045]

[attachment=3046]

Cheers Ruffy

[Leviathan]

My 8 yr old son told me this yesterday

Q: What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?

A: Anyone can roast chicken.