Little Johnny mistakenly enters his parents' bedroom and sees hismother on her hands and knees with his father giving it to her from behind and slapping her on the ass. He sees Johnny and laughs, throws a cushion at him and says, "Get out."A while later the father hears noises coming from Johnny's room and walks in to find Johnny shagging his gran from behind. A shocked father screams," What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Johnny replies, "Not so fcuking funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Regards
Andy
Live life like it's the 2 minute warning
My Way is the Highway
When life throws you a curve..lean into it
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
Regards
Andy
Live life like it's the 2 minute warning
My Way is the Highway
When life throws you a curve..lean into it
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a New Zealand girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the
plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big
scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up,
that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to
raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess
and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out-rank you.
Tray-up, Bitch!"
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
"When you're hung like a horse,
you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks"
A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man.
As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man ...
"I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different little pee wee," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence...."
I have three dogs and I was buying a large bag of Meaty Bites at
Big W and standing in line at the check out.
The woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was
by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that
condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd
been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard as he staggered out the door.
Silly Woman ... why else would I buy dog food
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