The useless bits of info to see if we can make a million posts thread

[cAstAgeAr]

STEAM CLAMS OR MUSSELS
Fill a large steamer pot with equal parts water and beer, then bring to a boil. Steam the randy little mollusks until their shells open. Couldn't be simpler. The beer imparts a nice flavor.

[cAstAgeAr]

PASS A KIDNEY STONE
As you've undoubtedly noticed, beer is a diuretic. It helps flush the kidneys and bladder. This can be beneficial if you're suffering from a bladder infection or kidney stone. "You can drink water or cranberry juice," explains Dr. Alexander, "but beer also works. It helps dilate the ureters [the tubes connecting the kidneys and bladder], which may help you pass a stone quicker and easier. Plus, the alcohol will take the edge off the pain." But don't drink beer if you're taking antibiotics or narcotic pain medications. You'll render the drugs useless and make yourself sick.

[cAstAgeAr]

BOIL SHRIMP
Open three 12-ounce bottles of Yuengling Premium or a comparable mild pilsner and pour them into a large soup pot. Wait for the beer to go flat (about 2 hours), then add 1/4 cup Old Bay Seasoning and 2 tsp ground turmeric (to turn the shrimp a rich yellow). Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then cook for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, rinse 2 pounds of extra-large raw shrimp in cold water and drain. Add them to the pot and stir. Cover and cook for 5 minutes, no more. Quickly remove the shrimp using a large slotted spoon. Serve immediately with cocktail sauce and, you guessed it, more beer. This same recipe makes great lobster, but cook it for 12 to 15 minutes.

[cAstAgeAr]

KILL SLUGS
Gather a few empty salsa jars (or similar wide-mouth containers) and fill them a third of the way with cheap beer. Then bury them about 15 feet from your garden, girlfriend, or whatever you're trying to protect. Make sure the rims are almost level with the soil surface. For some reason, slugs love beer. They'll find the traps, drop in, and drown. Do this in the evening, let them party all night, and give them an honorable burial in the morning.

[cAstAgeAr]

FIND DUE NORTH
Okay, here's the scenario. A bit far-fetched, we admit, but look who's going to be our next president. Let's say you're hopelessly lost in the wilderness, and all you have is a can of beer, a sewing needle, a small bowl, and a pair of extra-large silk panties. (Because this is a matter of life and death, the camp counselor should give hers up.) First, open the beer, pour some into the bowl, and let it go flat. (Better drink the rest; this may not work.) Next, magnetize the needle by stroking it repeatedly in one direction with the panties. This will generate a charge of static electricity. Then float the needle in the beer. When it stops, it'll be pointing in a north-south direction. Now get outta there!

[cAstAgeAr]

SOOTHE TIRED FEET
Pour a couple of cold ones into a bucket and soak your dogs. "Ice-cold beer with lots of carbonation can be soothing for tired feet," says Dr. Alexander. Stop at two; you don't want to start staggering.

[cAstAgeAr]

MAKE A BEER SLIDE
Forget volleyball and croquet. At your next party, lay a large vinyl tarp on a slope, then make it slick with lots of beer. Have your friends strip down to their underwear or swim trunks, get a running start, and slide downhill on their butts.

[cAstAgeAr]

LOWER YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
John Palmer, a hypertensive home-brewer and engineer in Monrovia, California, puts a handful of dried hops or hops pellets (available at any home-brew store) in a coffeemaker and brews them with hot water. It makes for a bitter tea, but he claims it brings his blood pressure back to normal within 10 minutes by dilating the capillaries. "There may be something to it," says Dr. Alexander. "A person who's intoxicated is usually flushed and sweaty. Some ingredient is dilating the blood vessels, which, in turn, lowers blood pressure." We don't advocate this as a replacement for medication, though.

[cAstAgeAr]

TRICK A CHEAP LANDLORD
Live in an apartment where the landlord pays the heat bill and sets the thermostat pretty low? Ice up a can of beer in the freezer, then set it atop the lockbox that encloses the thermostat. The cold from the beer will trick the thermostat into thinking the temperature has dropped so it'll turn the heat on.

[cAstAgeAr]

BAKE BEER BREAD
You already know how to put a bun in the oven. Now it's time to go all the way. Here's a healthful, foolproof recipe for high-fiber beer bread from the book Tailoring Your Taste, by nutritionist Omichinski:

Ingredients:

2 3/4 c all-purpose flour

2 Tbsp each sugar, baking powder

1/4 c ground flaxseed

1 tsp each salt, dried basil, dried rosemary, thyme

1/2 c unsalted sunflower seeds

1 Tbsp cooking oil

12 oz beer, at room temperature

Mix all the dry ingredients. Add oil and beer. Stir until dough is just mixed. Put dough in a greased 9x5x3-inch loaf pan. Bake at 375 F for 45 minutes or until nicely browned. Remove from oven and let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes. Remove from pan to cool some more.

[cAstAgeAr]

CATCH MICE
Slugs aren't the only pests with a fatal attraction to beer. According to Neil Herbst, owner of the Alley Kat Brewing Company in Edmonton, Alberta, you can also trap mice with it. He recommends setting out a few small pails or bowls of beer (his competitors', never his own), with a small ramp leading up to the lip. The mice will be attracted by the smell, hop in, drink their fill, then be unable to climb out.

[cAstAgeAr]

TIE A FLY
This tip is from the book Curiosities of Ale and Beer, published in 1889: Mix beer, chimney soot, walnut leaves, and a little powdered alum in a small pot. Bring to a boil, then chill. Dipping any natural materials you're using in this solution prior to tying is supposed to make for a tighter, more attractive fly. No promises as to whether it will catch more fish, though.

[cAstAgeAr]

CURE INSOMNIA
Greg Smith, author of The Beer Drinker's Bible, says women often show up at his brewery asking to buy not his beer but the hops he uses to brew it. "They sew it into pillows," he explains. "The smell of it is supposed to be a sleep aid, especially for colicky babies. I've never tried it, but we get enough requests that there must be something to it." Hops is a type of flower, though, so be careful if you have allergies.

[cAstAgeAr]

MASSAGE YOURSELF
A full can of beer is a great self-massage tool, according to Dori Love-Bentley, a certified massage therapist. For instance, take off your shoes and roll a can underfoot. Or put one in the crook of your back or between your shoulder blades and lean back against a wall, rolling it around as you do so. It works just about anywhere -- quads, glutes, neck, calves. "The pressure loosens up muscle tissue," explains Love-Bentley, "and encourages bloodflow to the area."

[cAstAgeAr]

CALM AN UPSET STOMACH
Sipping on a highly carbonated beer can settle a stomach just like Seven-Up or Sprite can. Plus, the alcohol helps buffer pain. "I've never seen a true medical study supporting this," says Dr. Alexander, "but I have patients tell me it works. The only time you have to be careful is if you have an ulcer or gastritis. Alcohol can inflame that."