Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[MrsTony]

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official,

'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and

his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'


The Chief nodded in agreement.



The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion,

where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then

calmly replied, 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes,

no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work,

Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, 'Only white man

dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

[BUSGO]

Courtroom capers
Click if you can't read it.
[attachment=5399]

[MrsTony]

How lucky are these people???

[url=]Lucky[/url]

[MrsTony]

[MrsTony]

[ROD]

The Blonde



A plane is on itâ€s way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy class moves to First class and sits down. The flight attendant watches her and then asks for her ticket.



She tells the blonde that she has paid for Economy and she will have to go and sit in the back.



The blonde replies: “Iâ€m blonde, Iâ€m beautiful, I;m going to Melbourne and Iâ€m staying right here!”



The flight attendant tells the pilot and the co pilot thereâ€s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in Economy.



The co pilot tries to explain to the blonde that because she has only paid for Economy, she is only entitled to an Economy place.



The blonde replies: “Iâ€m blonde, Iâ€m beautiful, Iâ€m going to Melbourne and Iâ€m staying right here!”



Exasperated the co pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest the woman who wonâ€t listen to reason.



The pilot says, “You say sheâ€s a blonde? Iâ€ll handle this, Iâ€m married to a blonde and I speak blonde.”



He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear. She says: “Iâ€m sorry, I had no idea” and then goes back to her seat in Economy.



The flight attendant and the co pilot were amazed and asked him what he said to her to make her move without any fuss.



The pilot replied: “I told her First class isnâ€t going to Melbourne”

[m8ee]

The two lesbians that live next door to me gave me a rolex for my birthday. Obviously they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch".

[ROD]

[Raging]

A man and his wife are walking through the zoo.

A gorilla see's them walking by, and becomes instantly aroused by the woman.

"Lift your skirt up and really tease him!" the husband says, so she does.

The gorilla starts jumping around with excitement.

"Now show him your tits, that will really get him going!"

She does, and the ape starts going beserk..

Quickly, the husband grabs his wife and throws her in the cage with the gorilla.

"What are you doing?!" she screams...

"Now tell HIM you have a fuckin' headache..."

[MrsTony]

High School Answering Machine Message

Staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine . This is the actual
answering machine message for the school. This came about because they
implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for
their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are
being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to
passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during
the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.


The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In
order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen
to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your
newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and
responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's
not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a
nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

[m8ee]

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't she start mate?"

[bigfoot]

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't she start mate?"

thats a cracker mate!!!

[Raging]

7 Degree's of Blonde...



FIRST DEGREE



A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The

very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How

should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.



The husband said, 'Who was that?'



The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the

coast is clear.'








SECOND DEGREE



Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the

sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror

and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'



The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'



So, the first blonde hands her the compact.



The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'







THIRD DEGREE



A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and

buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens

the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.



Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the

gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun

and puts it to her head.



The

boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'



The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'







FOURTH DEGREE



A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly

says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'



A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'



The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy it's W.'







FIFTH DEGREE



Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?



A: 'Is it mine?'







SIXTH DEGREE



Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US

Government class.



The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.



Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision

George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'







SEVENTH DEGREE


Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house

ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and

reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the

radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.



As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the

blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his

dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she

moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the

police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

[m8ee]

A couple were having relationship troubles and made an appointment to see a
Marriage Counsellor.

During the session, the Counsellor said ?
So..... tell me something that you both have in common?

The pair sat there for a while and thought long and hard.

After a long awkward silence, the husband finally muttered.... ?


Well...... neither of us suck little pee wee?

[Raging]

I just came home from work and asked the wife what she would do if I won the lottery.

She replied "I'd take half and leave!"

I said "Good, I just won $12, here's 6 bucks now f*** off!"