The useless bits of info to see if we can make a million posts thread

[cAstAgeAr]

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

[cAstAgeAr]

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

[cAstAgeAr]

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

[cAstAgeAr]

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

[cAstAgeAr]

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

[cAstAgeAr]

I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

[cAstAgeAr]

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

[cAstAgeAr]

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in England

[cAstAgeAr]

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

[cAstAgeAr]

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

[cAstAgeAr]

My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.

[cAstAgeAr]

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

[cAstAgeAr]

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."

[cAstAgeAr]

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

[cAstAgeAr]

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.