The useless bits of info to see if we can make a million posts thread

[cAstAgeAr]

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

[cAstAgeAr]

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

[cAstAgeAr]

My cousin is gay; he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

[cAstAgeAr]

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."

[cAstAgeAr]

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

[cAstAgeAr]

Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".

[cAstAgeAr]

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

[cAstAgeAr]

My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

[cAstAgeAr]

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

[cAstAgeAr]

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. And I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

[cAstAgeAr]

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

[cAstAgeAr]

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.

[cAstAgeAr]

I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

[cAstAgeAr]

My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

[cAstAgeAr]

I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."