Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[Djpete]

Google in 10 yrs...
Cheers,
Pete




Z Web World
Mobile Dj, Web Design,Photography, Bullshit Artist!

"I don't want a pickle,
I just wanna ride my motorsickle."
Arlo Guthrie 1968

[AstroBusa]

I was going to have that signoff Sentinel, but I made so many changes to it, it lost all meaning. Went something like...

Don't ride behind me, I'm a little unpredictable. Don't ride in front of me, you're a tool and watching you ride makes me nervous. Don't ride beside me, it's my lane - I'm using all of it thankyou. Just f*** off and stop bothering me. The older I get, the better I was. Regards.... RobEdited by: AstroBusa at: 13/10/06 8:12 pm

[Sentinel]

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps in, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

So she replies, "Well, my son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."

[Sentinel]

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit noticed the crow, and asked, "Can I sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral Of The Story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

[Sentinel]

This is an email received by the HR department the other day.

"To Whom It May Concern:

"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."




The next email, delivered a short time later:

"That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote
the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
every other line, starting with the first line."



"Don't ride behind me, I may not lead. Don't ride in front of me, I may not follow. Just ride beside me and be my friend."

[MrsTony660]

[Sentinel]

Well done Astro - I like it!

[MrsTony660]

[bandit17172]

>50,000 Kiwis meet in Eden Park for a "Kiwis Are Not Stupid" Convention.
>
>Prime Minister Helen Clark says, "We are all here today to prove to the world thet Kiwis are not stupid. Ken I hev a volunteer."
>
>
>Bill gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
>
>
>Helen asks him, "What uz fufteen plus fufteen?"
>
>
>After fufteen or 20 seconds Bill says, "Eighteen!"
>
>
>Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then all 50,000 Kiwis start chanting,
>
>
>"GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE! GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
>
>
>Helen says, "Well sunce we've gone to the trouble of gitting 50,000 of you un one place end we have the world wide priss end global broadcast media here, I thunk we ken guv hum another chance."
>
>
>So she asks, "What uz sivven plus sivven?"
>
>
>After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety!"
>
>
>Helen is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh everyone is disheartened.
>
>
>Bill starts crying and the 50,000 Kiwis begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
>
>
>"GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE! GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
>
>Helen, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance...What uz two plus two?"
>
>
>Bill closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four!"
>
>
>Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000 Kiwis jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>"GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE! GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
>
>
>
>
>
>
Regards Rob



never argue with a fool he will just drag you down to his level and he will beat you with experience

[bandit17172]

> > > > Mujibar was trying to get into Australia legally through

> Immigration.

> > > The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except

> the

> > > last. Unless you pass it you cannot enter Australia."

> > >

> > > Mujibar said, "I am now being ready."

> > >

> > > The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink
and

> >Green."

> > >

> > > Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Oooor Mister Officer,
I

> am

> > > being very very ready."

> > >

> > > The Officer said, "Go ahead."

> > >

> > > Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink
it

> up

> > > and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar."

> > >

> > > Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near me and works at a Telstra

> help

> >desk.


Regards Rob



never argue with a fool he will just drag you down to his level and he will beat you with experience

[loafie01]

At a U2 concert in glasgow, Bono asks the audience for some silence.
Then in silence ,he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence,he says into the microphone.
"Every time i clap my hands,a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence;
" Well, stop f#@king doing it then"

[MrsTony660]

[MrsTony660]

WHO SAID MEN AREN'T SENSITIVE?

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.
They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddybears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to>mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitiveside.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's
clothes ... After an intense night of passion with this sensitive
guy,they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.

[MrsTony660]

[MrsTony660]

Trix

A finger in the air is worth one on the horn