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[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

[black13]

Australian Hayabusa Club Forum

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men (or how not to incur the wrath of she who must be obeyed)


This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb,went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often 0verlooked, theological fact there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers.

Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off.

This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Shredder, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "If it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is Bill, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Bill said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift
peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane.

My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills, like having babies, that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning

Your wife: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

You: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

Your wife: (peering into the trash bag) It's a leaf blower.

You: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

Your wife: I want a divorce.

You: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Author Unknown (but definitely male)[/

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

[black13]

some swearing, but its funny
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d4f_1181066055&p=1

[black13]

again some swear words but its funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoRD1wmvwUc&feature=related

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

[IMG]

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

A man went to a dentist one day for a regular check up. The dentist decided
that one tooth was in such bad condition that it should be extracted. The
dentist advised the man of the situation who agreed to the procedure.
When the dentist went to give the man an injection the man said "don't
worry, I don't need an injection". The dentist went on to explain that the
procedure could be very painful however the patient insisted that he would
be OK without a needle. The patient went on to explain that he had two
experiences in recent times that had made him immune to pain so the dentist
went ahead and extracted the tooth. To the dentist's amazement the guy
didn't even wince.
The dentist, quite astonished remarked " that was amazing, the two recent
experiences you say you had that made you immune to pain must have been
something special, would you care to tell me about them".
The man said "sure, one day I was out hunting and suddenly had an
overwhelming urge to evacuate my bowels. I ducked behind a bush and squatted
down and my scrotum landed squarely on the trigger of a rabbit trap and
CRUNCH!!". The dentist exclaimed "oh my god, that must have been
excruciating but what was the second experience". The man replied "when I
ran out of chain"

[MrsTonysEvilTwin]

Very talented!!!!

[Mutha]

Very talented!!!!

[2CUTE4U]

Ha, that's good... very amusing