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17-09-2007, 12:42pm
----- > The 5 minute management course...
>
>
> Lesson 1:
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
> towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
> the next-door neighbor.
>
> Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
> towel, "
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
> in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
> gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
>
> "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
>
> "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
> me?"
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
>
>
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
> her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
> controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
> But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>
> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>
> The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
>
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
>
> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>
>
> Lesson 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
> out.
>
> The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
>
> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
> Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
>
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
>
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> "OK,! you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
>
> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Lesson 4
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
> saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
>
> The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."
>
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
>
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
>
>
>
>
> Lesson 5
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
> the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
> energy."
>
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
> "They're packed with nutrients."
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
> after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after
> a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
>
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
> Moral of the story:
> BullSh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
>
> Lesson 6
> A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
> froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
> there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
> there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
> the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
> promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your frien! d.
> (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
> THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>
>
> Lesson 1:
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
> towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
> the next-door neighbor.
>
> Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
> towel, "
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
> in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
> gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
>
> "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
>
> "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
> me?"
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
>
>
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
> her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
> controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
> But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>
> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>
> The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
>
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
>
> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>
>
> Lesson 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
> out.
>
> The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
>
> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
> Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
>
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
>
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> "OK,! you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
>
> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Lesson 4
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
> saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
>
> The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."
>
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
>
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
>
>
>
>
> Lesson 5
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
> the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
> energy."
>
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
> "They're packed with nutrients."
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
> after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after
> a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
>
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
> Moral of the story:
> BullSh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
>
> Lesson 6
> A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
> froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
> there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
> there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
> the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
> promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your frien! d.
> (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
> THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Chopper says - "Harden the f*** up Australia"