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19-06-2003, 08:45pm
.....an oldie, but a goodie.
A train hits a busload of Broady Schoolgirls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St Peter asks the first girl (from Jacana), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl (from Broady) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls,and the girl from Dallas is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies.. "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine (from Coolaroo) sticks her arse in it!!"
Last one I promise.............
Three dogs a Doberman, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.
The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?" The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The Doberman says, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Lethal injection," came the reply from the sad Boxer.
The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why are you here?" The Lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the Doberman inquired. "Lethal injection," the dejected Labrador said.
The Labrador then turns to the Doberman and asks what he's at the vet's office for. "I'm a humper," the Doberman says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and said, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?"
The Doberman says, "No, no, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
A train hits a busload of Broady Schoolgirls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St Peter asks the first girl (from Jacana), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl (from Broady) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls,and the girl from Dallas is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies.. "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine (from Coolaroo) sticks her arse in it!!"
Last one I promise.............
Three dogs a Doberman, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.
The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?" The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The Doberman says, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Lethal injection," came the reply from the sad Boxer.
The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why are you here?" The Lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the Doberman inquired. "Lethal injection," the dejected Labrador said.
The Labrador then turns to the Doberman and asks what he's at the vet's office for. "I'm a humper," the Doberman says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and said, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?"
The Doberman says, "No, no, I'm here to get my nails clipped."