10-05-2010, 10:56am
While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in, 'says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity'.
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity'.
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. '
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand, 'stammers the MP'. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened? '
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning.. ...
Today you voted.'
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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal
car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting
for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in
Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him.
St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that.
Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still
waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married
in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?'
they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled 'Yes,' he informs the couple,
'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground!!
'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in, 'says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity'.
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity'.
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. '
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand, 'stammers the MP'. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened? '
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning.. ...
Today you voted.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal
car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting
for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in
Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him.
St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that.
Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still
waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married
in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?'
they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled 'Yes,' he informs the couple,
'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground!!
'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
If it's too loud....You're too old!
If it's too fast....You're too old!
If it's too sexy....You're ???
If it's too fast....You're too old!
If it's too sexy....You're ???