Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[AstroBusa]

Thats it... I'm going fishing ! The older I get, the better I was. Regards.... Rob

[glen66]

good old photobucket. Never fails to come up with the goods. Do you ever get the feeling that some folks have awsome lives? Bastards.

[RuffRed]

Groundhog Day!

Quote:To my untrained eye - the right one seems bigger than the left one, but i need a second opinion Astro?

Maybe she just uses a bigger rod than the other one

Ruffy



Edited by: RuffRed at: 29/12/06 18:16

[MrsTony660]

Dr. Davis (Mr Helen Clark...) was jogging near his home in Auckland.

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He
learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain
to follow. "Two hundred and fifty dollars!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five dollars!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run
by and she'd yell, "Two hundred and Fifty dollars!" He'd yell back, "Five
dollars!"

One day, Helen decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his
jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Dr.
Davis realised she'd bark her $250 offer and Helen would wonder what he'd
really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a
darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he
became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the
hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog
past.

Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks,
you tight bastard?!" Greetings
Trix

There is nothing like a bee in your helmet to test your reflexs and nerves

[BUSGO]

Rgds BUSGO

"TAKE MY ADVICE"
I'm not using it anyway!

[RuffRed]

Ray - FYI I think you could drop the B off bass fishing when telling that tale in future don't you think

Ruffy

[MrsTony660]

Ok yes this is a cheap shot at you blokes and I can't hardly wait for the backlash

W.I.C.O.E.
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY
THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house
upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available Greetings
Trix

There is nothing like a bee in your helmet to test your reflexs and nerves

[AstroBusa]

Geeze... we're expected to know all this stuff.... and women can't even position a toilet seat for themselves ?? I mean... whats so hard about it ? You want the seat down, you put it down. We like the seat up, we put it up. We don't complain when you leave the seat down. We just use some initiative and 'hey presto' seat up... problem solved.

Toilet Rolls are replaced on a user pays system. Men don't have to use paper every trip to the toilet and when we do... we don't stuff have a forest down the bowl like the ladies do. On that basis, I'll change the roll on a ratio of 1 in 5 times. Remember ladies... we see a roll with about a metre left on it and we figure its plenty to last a couple of trips. You see a roll with a metre left on it and moan that its empty.

The older I get, the better I was. Regards.... Rob

[BUSGO]

I need to book Mrs B. in for day 1.
She does everything that a bloke is supposed to do.
Or is that, she doesn't do everything that a bloke is not supposed to do?

We need to add, how to dispose of used tissues.
They appear on every empty surface around the house when Mrs B. is home.


Quite right there Astro about the toilet roll.
When the Mrs is away for 3 days at a time, the same roll lasts untill her return. Then its a roll a day at least.

But enough of this toilet humour. Bring back the sex jokes Mrs T.

Rgds BUSGO

"TAKE MY ADVICE"
I'm not using it anyway!

[MrsTony660]

Yeah got a few I wouldn't mind passing this one on to


Greetings
Trix

There is nothing like a bee in your helmet to test your reflexs and nerves

[AstroBusa]

Bloody softy ! Thats not half bad... take the seat off and then see what his reaction is ! The older I get, the better I was. Regards.... Rob

[MrsTony660]

Mr Tony is a WH&S officer and has to investigate accidents that occur at work. His stupidest one so far is a young engineer suffering an eye injury when he let the wrong end go of a rubber band which had a pen connected to it. Bloody engineers!!!!

Some may consider the last photo an opportunity not a risk.














Greetings
Trix

There is nothing like a bee in your helmet to test your reflexs and nerves

[MrsTony660]

*INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD*


1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bucks party may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mates fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mates birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, Ever! Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox360. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever!

29. If you walk into a bathroom and a man is using one of the urinals, you must have at least 1 urinal spaced between the two of you. No exceptions! Greetings
Trix

There is nothing like a bee in your helmet to test your reflexs and nerves

[MrsTony660]

Soooo
Should we do these to compliment the badges???












Greetings
Trix

There is nothing like a bee in your helmet to test your reflexs and nerves

Edited by: MrsTony660 at: 3/1/07 18:55

[MrsTony660]

Salutations
Trix

If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday