Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
Oh and...... Only in Australia ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Australia ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Australia ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Australia ... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Australian ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Australia ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Australia ... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. and finally.........
In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Mrs Braddo
Edited by: braddo2264 at: 22/9/06 12:10 am
Fat Busa Racing 1347
Guest
Where did you find that
Shit I thought that was piss funny
Regards Richard
Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 300..ye baby
Hi Richard,
It wa just an email that I received, here is another one
The Italian Says:
"When I've a finished a makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her Knees, she floatsa 6 inches above da bed in ecstasy."
The Frenchman Says:
"Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making love with ze girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".
The Aussie Says:
"Mate, that's nothing. When I've finished shaggin my chick, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe me dick on the curtains. She hits the f****** roof!!!
Mrs Braddo
Fat Busa Racing 1347
Guest
Yep read that one , but still good a laugh Regards Richard
Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 300..ye baby
Here is another one
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started"
BRADDO
What can I say
So you have been to my place
Cheers Robert
Aren't all Busas Copper & Plated, the others are just all very poor slow ugly copies !!!!!
"Hello, is this the police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Tony! He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the police officers descended on Tony's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using
axes, they busted open every piece of wood but found no marijuana. They swore at Tony and left.
The phone rang at Tony's house.
"Hey, Tony! Did the cops come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy"
BRADDO
Fat Busa Racing 1347
Guest
I like that one...ha ha Regards Richard
“Racing is living, everything else is just waiting”
awesome joke Braddo... i laughted my ass off... typical aussie.. Cheers.GrantKING OF 'STEALTH' BLINGwww.blingpartsaustralia.com.au
(Who said Australians weren't romantic?)
Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I Was ever gonna get
No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer!
BRADDO
if that was a prayer... i'd say 'Amen'
good stuff braddo.... keep them coming.. Cheers.GrantKING OF 'STEALTH' BLINGwww.blingpartsaustralia.com.au
Application for Grant of Australian Citizenship
You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to
qualify for Australian Citizenship
1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your
cattle dog?
2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?
3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you
could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In
40C heat.
c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues
fine.
4. How many beers in a slab?
5. You call that a knife, this is a knife.
True or False?
6. Does "yeah-nah" mean
a) "Yes and no"
b) "Maybe"
c) "Yes I understand but No I don't agree"?
7. The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character?
a) Toadie from Neighbours
b) Alf from Home & Away
c) Agro from Agro's Cartoon Connection
d) Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?
8. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages
a) Once or twice
b) As often as necessary to cook
c) After each stubby
d) Until charcoal?
9. Name three of the Daddo brothers.
10. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?
11. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon:
a) Drinking beer at a mate's place
b) Drinking beer at the beach
c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy
d) Drinking beer at a mate's place while watching the cricket before going to the
beach?
12. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?
13. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to
England?
14. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?
15. Who are Scott and Charlene?
16. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?
a) Squirt and spread with finger
b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?
17. If the police raided your home would you:
a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items
b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain
c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it
personally?
18. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer
the fastest?
19. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?
20. Thongs are:
a) Skimpy underwear
b) Casual footwear
c) They're called jandals, bro?
21. On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best?
a) 1993
b) 1997
c) 2001
d) 2005
22. What is someone more likely to die of:
a) Red Back Spider
b) Great White Shark
c) Victorian Police Officer
d) King Brown Snake
e) Your missus after a big night
f) Dropbear?
23. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?
24. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's Khe Sanh?
25. Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for
the third umpire decisions in the latter....
26. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.
27. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
a) Ricky Ponting
b) Don Bradman
c) John Howard
d) Makybe Diva?
28. Is it best to take a sick day on:
a) When the cricket's on
b) When the cricket's on
c) When the cricket’s on?
29. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?
30. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?
31. What are Budgie smugglers?
32. What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?
33. Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?
34. A "Hoppoate" is:
a) A breed of kangaroo
b) A kind of Australian "wedgie"
c) A disgraced Rugby League player?
35. What does having a 'chunder' mean?
36. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?
37. What does the terminology 'True Blue' mean?
Your Score …………
For Office use only.
? In
? Out
? Can have another crack at it
BRADDO
Do you think this is true?
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's *** if someone notices your new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you
tarnished.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything
different?".
You can appreciate great sport.
You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
your
friend.
If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for
hours
without ever thinking "He must be mad at me.".
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
become lifelong friends.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December
24th,
in 45 minutes.
The world is your urinal.
BRADDO
so true.....
except the hot wax bit
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