Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[rave]

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account."
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $20 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and which bank teller is giving you a hard time?"

[rave]

Yo mama house is so small that when she pur her key in the lock it broke the back window.

[rave]

Yo mama house is so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

[rave]

Yo mama house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind

[rave]

Yo mama house is so small the welcome mat just says “Well?”

[rave]

Yo' mama so ugly, she goes to the beach and the cats try to bury her!

[rave]

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your fu$#ing cat."

[rave]

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts.

"I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."

"I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good -- God does exist. And the bad -- the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."

"I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"

[rave]

Yo mama is so fat, when she wanted a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

[rave]

Q: How do you trap a polar bear?

A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.

[rave]

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.

"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

[BUSGO]

Banned commercials

[cheeky]

still giggling tomyself about the goldfish one..

too funny those ads

[ROD]

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.

[BUSGO]

When Winston Churchill was confronted by a female press agent during a speech about his flys being undone, he simply said. "Not to worry madam, a dead bird can't fall out of the nest."