The useless bits of info to see if we can make a million posts thread

[cAstAgeAr]

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

[cAstAgeAr]

My wifes cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.

[cAstAgeAr]

I'm so ugly - my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

[cAstAgeAr]

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

[cAstAgeAr]

My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

[cAstAgeAr]

I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "

[cAstAgeAr]

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

[cAstAgeAr]

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

[cAstAgeAr]

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

[cAstAgeAr]

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.

[cAstAgeAr]

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

[cAstAgeAr]

My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.

[cAstAgeAr]

One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

[cAstAgeAr]

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

[cAstAgeAr]

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.