The useless bits of info to see if we can make a million posts thread

[cAstAgeAr]

Alcohol preserves everything except dignity.

[cAstAgeAr]

A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. (John C. Maxwell)

[cAstAgeAr]

A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once.

[cAstAgeAr]

Algebra was easy for the Romans because "X" was always 10.

[cAstAgeAr]

A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. (Edgar J. Mohn)

[cAstAgeAr]

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.

[cAstAgeAr]

Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried.

[cAstAgeAr]

A little boy asked his mother why the minister got a month's vacation while his dad only got two weeks. The mother answered, "Well, son, if he's a good minister, he needs it. If he isn't, the congregation needs it."

[cAstAgeAr]

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear"?
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

[cAstAgeAr]

A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine.
"And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward.
The boy thought for a moment and answered, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there."

[cAstAgeAr]

A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

[cAstAgeAr]

A little boy took the chair at the barbershop.
"How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber.
"Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back."

[cAstAgeAr]

A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother:
"Lord, bless Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!"
Mom: "God's not deaf, son.
Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of hearing!

[cAstAgeAr]

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.
When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear; "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."

[cAstAgeAr]

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"