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+--- Thread: One Liners (/showthread.php?tid=2237)
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One Liners - braddo2264 - 09-10-2006
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
BRADDO
Re: One Liners - AstroBusa - 10-10-2006
Ohh.... I thought it was taste. Damn ! The older I get, the better I was. Regards.... Rob
Re: One Liners - braddo2264 - 12-10-2006
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
BRADDO
What's the difference? - pan - 12-10-2006
What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful is when you break the law.
Illegal is a sick bird.
Re: More shit - Diablo - 12-10-2006
Maybe Howard should learn this one!!!!!!!!
Whats the difference between a recesion and a depression?
A recession is when your neighbour is out of work,
A depression is when you are out of work.
Cheers,
Terry Edited by: Diablo at: 12/10/06 11:06 pm
More shit - Sumkhun - 12-10-2006
Quickie .1
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
Quickie ..2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Quickie ..3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Quickie ...4
A Polish immigrant went to the Traffic department to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The clerk showed him a card with the letters:C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
Quickie ..5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
Quickie ...6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Re: More shit - Diablo - 13-10-2006
Whats the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky tou use the feather,
Perverted, you use the whole chook
Cheers,
Terry
Re: More shit - MrsTony660 - 15-10-2006
Whats the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
Ones got a soul full of hope the other has a hole full of soap
Yeah Im going straight to hell for that one... ah well throw this one in for good measure
A mans version of hell is where the kegs have holes and the women don't.
Edited by: MrsTony660 at: 15/10/06 10:40 pm
Re: One liners - braddo2264 - 16-10-2006
What's a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Braddo
"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
Re: One liners - braddo2264 - 21-10-2006
What's the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Braddo
"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
one liners - loafie01 - 22-10-2006
SOME TIMES I WAKE UP GRUMPY, BUT USUALLY I LET HER SLEEP!
Re: one liners - braddo2264 - 25-10-2006
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy. Braddo
"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
Re: one liners - MrsTony660 - 26-10-2006
Did you year the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
Re: one liners - demeester - 26-10-2006
This dyslexic guy walks in to a bra...
Re: one liners - kev11e - 26-10-2006
The dyslexic agnostic insomniac who laid awake all night wondering whether there really was a dog...
Regards
Kevin