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+--- Thread: marriage sex stat's (/showthread.php?tid=2099)
marriage sex stat's - the shredder 3 - 23-10-2005
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
KEEP READING.......
=====================================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Shane
Re: marriage sex stat's - Djpete - 23-10-2005
don't go there Shane!
Cheers,
Pete
Z Web World
Mobile Dj, Web Design,
Photography, Bullshit Artist!
re marriage sex - TomRux - 23-10-2005
course there is always the old "three states of sex" within a marriage.
1. Early on it is room sex; where you have sex in any and all rooms of the house.
2. Then it becomes bedroom sex; where sex is largely confined to the bedroom.
3. And finally it becomes hall sex; where you pass one another in the hall and say "f*** you".
Tom
Re: re marriage sex - BUSGO - 25-10-2005
Doctors have found that it takes 6 hours of rooting to burn off the fat in 1 meat pie.
When David Koche ( of the SUNRISE show) was told this, he said "that sums up 26 years of my marriage = 1 meat pie".
Rgds BUSGO
Re: re marriage sex - 1hotBUSA - 07-11-2005
I thought the best contraceptive known to man was wedding cake.
I like the Jelly Bean jar theory. Whenever you get sex before you are married put a jellybean into a jar. Whenever you get sex after you are married, take a Jellybean out of the jar.
Bet you never run out of jellybeans. Regards
Graham
1hotBUSA
2000 Suzuki Hayabusa Red/Grey Bog standard except for bling and a kanooter valve. Oh and a turbo kit on the floor.
Strike a blow for freedom...Smash a speed camera!!!
Red Bikes Rule!!!!!