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+--- Thread: Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD (/showthread.php?tid=18106)
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RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - m8ee - 18-02-2010
>> If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape
>> or
>> shoplifting?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Can you cry under water?
>>
>> _____
>>
>> How important does a person have to be before they are considered
>> assassinated instead of just murdered?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
>> buried
>> in for eternity?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> What disease did cured ham actually have?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
>> good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
>> like
>> every two hours?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
>> binoculars
>> to look at things on the ground?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
>> They're going to see you naked anyway.
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
>> why
>> can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't
>> he
>> just buy dinner?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
>> what is baby oil made from?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
>> call
>> it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
>>
>> _____
>>
>>
>> Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
>> Place?
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - arthur dunga - 20-02-2010
A teacher in a Detroit kindergarden class asked the kids what sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up & yelled, FREEZE MUTHERFUCKER.
Guess they don't have many farms in Detroit.
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Rainbow7 - 02-03-2010
![[Image: HayabusaWarning.jpg]](http://i723.photobucket.com/albums/ww235/Rainb0wSeven/HayabusaWarning.jpg)
I just bought this sticker off eBay.
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Raging - 06-03-2010
Lame but somehow amusing...
Why can't you weld on the moon???
No earth..
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - TempOzzy - 25-03-2010
A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his Mom to come out .
While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's
skirt. "Get your Hand out of there!"
She shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend.
One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.
After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want." What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.
"Hell no," he cries, "You've got teeth down there!"
"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as Teeth down there!"
"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."
"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek
"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."
"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."
The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - NEMESIS - 27-03-2010
lol! nice 1 tempozzy
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - NEMESIS - 31-03-2010
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor guy broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'it's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'my ears?!?!?'' Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered. 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming. That was me.'
Wong
Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents...
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him...
Sum Ting Wong
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Madmax - 31-03-2010
What do you get if you cross a PMS and a GPS?
A crazy bitch who will find you!!
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - bazman - 31-03-2010
What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex......
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
a blowjob makes your day.......but anal sex makes your (w)hole weak!!!
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Madmax - 02-04-2010
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said,
'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids!
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - CeeJay07 - 03-04-2010
(31-03-2010, 09:10pm)bazman Wrote: What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex......
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
a blowjob makes your day.......but anal sex makes your (w)hole weak!!!
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - NEMESIS - 04-04-2010
Three lady friends always meet for lunch on Thursdays.
One Thursday Anne says, "There's this thing, when I go down on my John, his balls are always cold."
Funny you should say that", says Mary. "my Franks balls are always cold too".
"EEAUUWWWWWWGHHHHHH" says Nancy, "that's disgusting. How can you both do that?"
So her friends tell Nancy that the blow job is the best way to keep her man from straying.
The following Thursday Anne and Mary are in the restaurant waiting for their friend to arrive.
In walks Nancy with a huge black eye.
What happened to you"? Ask her two friends.
"Mike hit me". Came the reply.
" Why?" ask the girls.
"I don't know", says Nancy, "I was giving him the blow job like you told me to, and all I said was, your balls aren't cold like Frank's and John's.
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - NEMESIS - 07-04-2010
Men vs. Women
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Leviathan - 07-04-2010
A little old lady was walking up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her
gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two
and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
***************************************************
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said:
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said:
"Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said:
"Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my bloody teeth!"
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - NEMESIS - 08-04-2010
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
Or get married and wish you were dead..
------------------------------------------------------------------
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man..'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa A man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
And by then, it was too late.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'