+- Welcome to The Australian Hayabusa Club Forum - ARCHIVE ONLY VERSION - NEW REGISTRATIONS & POSTS DISABLED (https://www.australian-hayabusa-club.com/MyBB)
+-- Forum: Non Bike Discussions (https://www.australian-hayabusa-club.com/MyBB/forumdisplay.php?fid=43)
+--- Forum: Not Bike Related (https://www.australian-hayabusa-club.com/MyBB/forumdisplay.php?fid=9)
+--- Thread: Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD (/showthread.php?tid=18106)
Pages:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
Tell me when to laugh..... - RuffRed - 18-10-2006
George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
But, you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take the person's place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Bush thinks that sounds pretty good, so he agrees.
The Devil opens the first room. In it is Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He keeps diving in and surfacing, empty handed, over and over and over. Such is his fate in Hell.
"No!" George says. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil leads him to the next room. In it is Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he does is swing the hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" comments George.
The Devil opens a third door. In it, George sees Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor, his arms over his head and his legs in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Bush looks at this in disbelief for a while and finally says, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiles and says, "Monica, you're free to go!"
" Life Explained "
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For
this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a
long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten"?
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people,
do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year
life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did"?
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will
give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
Sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty"?
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,
the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay"?
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the
front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. Now go forth.
102 Excuses - MrsTony660 - 19-10-2006
Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
Any Benno's in here? - Pink Angel - 19-10-2006
Benno is up for sale
cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayIS...%3AIT&rd=1 Four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul.
Brigitte
Re: Any Benno's in here? - HAYABUSA ROD - 20-10-2006
THE WARRIOR
REGARDS ROD
kangaroos1996@msn.com
Re: Any Benno's in here? - demeester - 20-10-2006
smart girl - bandit17172 - 20-10-2006
>A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when
>she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull
>over.
>
>When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from
>his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly
>commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE !".
>
>He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned
>around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think
>that's funny ?
>
>Watch this !" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every
>window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on
her
>face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices
>all her tyres. Now she's laughing.
>
>The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his
>truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
>He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
>"What's so funny ?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied,
>"Every time you
>weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle !"
>
>
>
>
>
Regards Rob
never argue with a fool he will just drag you down to his level and he will beat you with experience
guts and balls - bandit17172 - 20-10-2006
*GUTS* - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met at the door by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you cleaning, or getting ready to fly somewhere?"
*BALLS* - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
Butt and saying: "You're next." Regards Rob
never argue with a fool he will just drag you down to his level and he will beat you with experience
Best Bikini Top - MrsTony660 - 20-10-2006
Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
Sneeze - MrsTony660 - 21-10-2006
Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
Vegetable - MrsTony660 - 22-10-2006
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer. Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
AFL 2007 - MrsTony660 - 23-10-2006
It is likely that the AFL competition for 2007 will have to be cancelled.
Under the new Anti Terrorism Laws the Bombers are banned, the new Industrial Relations legislation rules out the Dockers, and the Asian Bird flu epidemic is wreaking havoc with the Crows, Eagles, Hawks, Magpies and Swans. Any transfers to the Kangaroos, Cats, Lions, Dogs and Tigers must now be quarantined for at least 12 months.
Religious vilification laws mean that no one can legally barrack for the Demons or the Saints.
This only leaves the Power and the Blues who no one wants to barrack for anyway.
Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
New Office Meanings - MrsTony660 - 24-10-2006
TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" – needless paperwork and processes.
404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all') - New Oxford Dictionary definitions.
GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a "black box".
AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
BOBFOC.
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS.
Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please"
GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth seeing.
MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
NELSON MANDELA.
Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager)
PEARLHARBOUR.
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)
PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks
SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person
SWAMP-DONKEY.
A deeply unattractive woman
TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women
Greetings
Trix
A finger in the air is worth one on the horn
Re: New Office Meanings - TomRux - 24-10-2006
I like it ROFLHO "No Fear" Just means you aint goin quick enough yet !!!!!
Re: New Office Meanings - AstroBusa - 24-10-2006
Outstanding effort ! I'm pissing myself over here ! (Not literally... but almost).
Prior to that, what did it for me was the one that ended with...
"I told her thats what the beer was for. I don't think she's coming back." The older I get, the better I was. Regards.... RobEdited by: AstroBusa at: 24/10/06 22:21
Re: New Office Meanings - glen66 - 24-10-2006
Damn it, my memory isn't good enough to remember all of these. I have to choose. I'll take swamp donkey and 404. Funny Trix. really funny.