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Prostate Exam - MrsTony660 - 07-03-2007
Ouch!!!
s78.photobucket.com/album...nation.flv Salutations
Trix
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday
Re: Crooked Cops? - demeester - 08-03-2007
Love the Mustang ad...
My grandma - MrsTony660 - 08-03-2007
s78.photobucket.com/album...fMyCar.flv Salutations
Trix
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday
Re: My grandma - mutherT - 08-03-2007
Granny get your gun
Teeth - MrsTony660 - 09-03-2007
A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies
dressing room waiting for his Mom to come out. While waiting the little boy gets
bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand
up a mannequin's skirt.
"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts.
"Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"
He didn't get bitten.
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth
between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents
are out town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out
and grinding on the sofa, she says,
"You know, you could go a little further if you want."
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.
"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"
"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"
"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."
"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."
With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."
"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries.
She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says,
"LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."
The boy takes a good long look and replies,
"Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"
Lollie Test - MrsTony660 - 10-03-2007
LOLLY TEST
A college professor was doing a study, testing the senses of first graders, by using a bowl of Lifesavers.
He gave all the children the same kind of Lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.
The children began:
"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
"Orange........orange."
Finally the professor gave them all a HONEY-flavoured Lifesaver.
After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spat out her Lifesaver, and yelled
"Oh My God! Spit them out everyone.
They're arseholes!" Salutations
Trix
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday
Re: Lollie Test - MrsTony660 - 11-03-2007
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of her car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again,he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
It says,
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
I can hear the groaning from here
Salutations
Trix
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday
Re: Lollie Test - rocket rod 7777 - 11-03-2007
Gynaecologist Visit
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
Doing so he asked her,
"Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or
Dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?"
he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his
Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
"Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came
here in the first place."
Back in black!
The baby photographer - MrsTony660 - 13-03-2007
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
"Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good.
Did you know babies are my speciality?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her
mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get thejob done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted. Salutations
Trix
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday
Heaven - MrsTony660 - 14-03-2007
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
Salutations
Trix
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need a holiday
The Wife - MrsTony - 19-03-2007
A blokes wife goes missing while holidaying on the Australian coast
while they were scuba diving.  He reports it to the police and spends a
terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning theres a knock on the door and he is confronted by a
couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.  The Sarge
says Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad
news, but some good news and maybe some really good news.  Well, says
the bloke. I guess I'd better have the bad news first. Â
The Sarge says. I'm really sorry pal but your wife is dead.  Young Bill here
found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cove.
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit
of a sob.  After a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what
the good news is.  The Sarge says Well when we got your wife up there
were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs
attached to her wetsuit, so weve brought you your share.  He hands the
bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in
it.  Geez thanks.  They're bloody beaut
Well says the Sarge, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11
o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!.......
you fancy grabbin some stubbies and coming with us?
Signage or what not to write - MrsTony - 21-03-2007
Hey folks. Sorry about the sparadic postings. Having trouble with me net at home so have to sneak in some work usage. Just try to keep me offa here once I'm up and running
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD, FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Diablo - 21-03-2007
Sorry, stuffed up
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Diablo - 21-03-2007
Funny pic
![[Image: ATT000591.jpg]](http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b55/bundy65/ATT000591.jpg)
RE: Laughter... The Best Medicene - Diablo - 21-03-2007
And again
![[Image: ATT000501.jpg]](http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b55/bundy65/ATT000501.jpg)